I’m calling this “graphology,” because I’m no good at titles

Heather is on a business trip (brave woman! only weeks out from a hysterectomy and she’s flying around the country! I stand in awe.) and I (Sharon) am over here posting in her stead.

When I talked to her last night, she said she just had a chance to get her handwriting analyzed, and she didn’t do it.

I was amazed. For me, that would just be the opportunity of a lifetime: having a real graphologist tell me what’s in my handwriting.

I’ve been fascinated with graphology for a long, long time. Any time I see a stranger’s handwriting I can’t help giving it the cursory once-over: is it slanted to the right? to the left? Or is it straight up and down?

I turn the paper over to see how much pressure they applied in writing the words. Can I see the imprint of the characters pushing through the fibers of the paper on the other side, like Braille? If I can, that’s the sign of a forceful, strong personality (or, the person was in a fierce mood at the time).

Because I really do believe that our moods and predispositions influence how we write, not just what we write but how we write it.  I believe that, because we were all taught to write copybook at first, with identical scripts, yet no one (well, almost no one. I can think of one exception in my acquaintance, but she’s a librarian) writes in copybook now.

So, said Heather, why don’t you ever tell me what my handwriting means?

The fact is, I don’t analyze my friends’ handwritings. For one, I’m not qualified: this is just a couch hobby for me. Also, when it comes to friends and family I have a hard time of it. Probably for the same reason that psychologists don’t analyze their own families: it’s hard to be objective.

But also, there’s nothing glaring or cautionary in Heather’s handwriting. In fact, Heather’s handwriting is lovely (though she denies it when I try to tell her so. I don’t think anyone likes their own handwriting). Garland connections between letters like a chain of daisies, indicating a sweet,  friendly personality.

Her handwriting is firm, decisive, but kind and thoughtfully planned, well-formed, temperate.

Sometimes her letters alternate between cursive and print, the sign (I’ve read) of a quick, practical, highly intelligent mind. (Because the mind, while transcribing, is also simultaneously evaluating how to write each letter in the fastest form.)

I suspect that is what the graphologist would have told her, if she’d submitted a handwriting sample last night just for kicks and giggles.

Now if the graphologist had looked at mine….well. That’s another story altogether.

Now come on back, Heather, because we miss you…

memoirs and books

Jill at Charming and Delightful tagged me for a six word memoir meme. All I have to do is describe myself, memoir style, in six words. So, my six words are:

She didn’t stand idly by, ever.

Also, Heidi tagged me a while back for another meme. I will do my best to answer the questions. They are hard for me and I’ve found I can’t name just one book for most of the questions. But it’s my blog, so:

1. One book that changed your life. I believe that any book that touches the soul deeply changes one’s life. But I think I learned to love being a woman and appreciate my femininity after I read The Mists of Avalon.

2. One book that you have read more than once. SO many! The Mists of Avalon, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Pride and Prejudice, Beaches, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, The Color Purple, Talk Before Sleep.

3. One book you would want on a desert island. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I love everything about it. Its grittiness. Its optimism. Its realism. Its hope.

4. Two books that made you laugh. Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg and Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns.

5. One book that made you cry. Talk Before Sleep by Elizabeth Berg. I cry in great heaving sobs when I read that book.

6. One book you wish you’d written. I wish I could have written any book in the style of Elizabeth Berg. (I was talking to Jellyhead about this just a few days ago.) I always imagine that my writing would be a lot like hers because she is so emotive and you can feel everything that her characters are feeling. Talk Before Sleep was an exquisite kind of agony to read because I loved it so much but I really felt like I was watching my best friend die.

7. One book you wish had never been written. Any of the books that spew hatred and intolerance. Pretty much anything Ann Coulter has written and many others like her. I won’t name more names because I don’t want to politicize my blog

8. Two books you are currently reading. Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H Lawrence (loaned to me by Sharon) and Empty Without You — a compilation of letters between Eleanor Roosevelt and Lorena Hickok.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read. Gone With the Wind. My mother wants me to read it in the worst way!

10. Five people that I’ll tag: I don’t tag but feel free to take it if you want it.

cut me some slack–i’m still recovering

Is your hair greasy?  Only after Turkish Oil Wrestling.

Do you like the smell of Bengay? Yep.  I use some stuff on my neck that a Chinese acupuncturist gave me that helps so much!  Thus, I love the smell.  And I like the way it makes me fell allllll . . . .tingly.

Do you like Dr. Pepper?  I used to drink it all the time but now it is too sweet for me.  I gave up the sugar in favor of the excessive sodium found in diet Coke.

Do you play your music really loud? Yes.  But it’s usually show tunes.  They’re benign even when played loudly and annoying even when played softly.

Do you sleep with the light on still? If I don’t have a little bit of light, I sleepwalk.  Or talk in my sleep.  Or sit up in bed and scream, thus taking years off of my bed-mate’s life.  That being said, I still usually forget to leave the light on.

Do you like onions? I like the taste they give food but don’t like to bite into them.

Have you ever put hair dye in your friends’ shampoo? I have never done that.

How often do you buy cheap scented candles? I buy the good scented candles and they ain’t cheap.

Are you for or against hunting? Mostly against.  But that’s because I rarely see anyone eat what they kill.  My grandfather once chased his brother with an axe and, when his father yelled at him, he proclaimed, “I’ll eat him, Daddy!  I’ll eat him!”

Is the weatherman in your city annoying?  I never watch our weatherman so I don’t know if he is annoying.  It’s annoying when my Weather Channel update is late getting to my inbox.  I’ll tell you that.

Are you an underdog? Not usually.

Name one thing kids do that you can’t stand: whine until they get their way  But what annoys me more than that is parents who give a child what they want so they will stop whining.

Do you have a nice job? I have the best job in my hospital.  Except for the second Tuesday of every month.  On that day, I am an indentured servant.

Do you know how to harmonize while singing? Yessiree, Bob!

Do you know how to braid hair? Yes!

Do you have a short attention span? No.  Not at all.

What’s your favorite fruit scent? Probably coconut.  Or pomegranate.  Or mango.  I must be exceptionally fruity.

Have you ever shaved a Barbie doll’s head?  I never really played with Barbies.  If I had, I am sure I would have shaved their heads eventually as a pro-feminist gesture.

What’s on your desktop background? A picture of me and Brenda from the night she cooked Brandy-Blue Cheese Steaks for us after my surgery.

What’s your best friend’s middle name? Lyn. 

Do you need goggles to see underwater? Nope.  I emit sonar beeps to navigate under water.  

Name the next movie you plan on seeing: I want to see Juno.  But I’ll probably be forced to watch a children’s movie.  It’s all part of a massive indoctrination conspiracy by the government.

Have you met your “special someone” yet?  Yes.  But special in a good way.  Not in a “special” way.

Don’t you think questions about your love life are stupid? Nah.  But I don’t always answer them.

Are you a pyromaniac? No.

How many languages can you speak fluently? Does pig-latin count?

Why don’t most nursery rhymes make sense? Nursery rhymes make so much sense!  That’s why they skeer me!

What’s your favorite sea creature?  I like corals the best.

Why did men of earlier times think wearing tights was cool? Support for the boys?

Do you like hillbillies? Some of my best friends are hillbillies! 

Trip to the Art Museum by Bump*

I felt excited as we entered the bus to go to the art museum.  I couldn’t wait to get off and look at the amazing art and photography.

As we walked in, I noticed amazing scuptures in the lobby, such as a man with different colored skin and a strange hat.  We talked about how old some paintings are, such as five hundred years old!

When we entered the gallery there were lights that shown upon the marzoles (?) paintings.  The room had benches at every large painting.

My favorite one was the carp and the cape.  It showed so much detail that the fish looked real!  It had two side dishes, oyster and bread.  The background had pots and pans.

When we got to the next gallery it was large and without color.  It had many pictures of different speicies.  My favorite was the chamillian partly because I have one!

I never had so much fun!

*He made a 100%

meme-tastic

 Taken from Uncle Keith’s MySpace bulletin because I am too sleepy to type the post I was planning  . . .

1. Where is the person who owns your heart now?
In bed.

2. What did you do last night?
Kicked back on my satin pillows in my regal bed, ate popcorn, and watched Waitress — which I lurved!

3. What does your myspace name mean?
It’s just my ol’ boring first name.

4. Last person you text messaged?
My dad.

5. Who was the last person to call you?
Sharon

6. What are you doing right now?
Cooling off after my hot shower and letting my hair air dry.

7. What is your current problem?
That I am not allowed to do many things I want to do because I am only 2 1/2 weeks post-op.

8. What color are your eyes?
Not really sure.  Grayish, greenish, bluish. 

9. What is your myspace song?
I have a playlist that shuffles.  Right now, It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere by Alan Jackson is on top.

11. Last place you ordered food from?
Take-out? A place called Keith’s Hamburger Station.  In a restaurant?  Chili’s for Molten Chocolate Cake with Brad and the boys today.

12. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
Brad

13. What color is your hair?
Dark brown.

14. Last song you sang?
Seashores of Old Mexico by George Strait.  It’s a waltz.  I love waltzes.  Waltzes make my knees melt.  So does George Strait, though.

15. Would you ever get back with your ex?
Brad’s the only serious relationship I’ve ever had.

16. Who knows a secret or two about you?
Sharon.

17. Last time you did something you shouldn’t have done?
Last night.

18. Who do you miss?
Sharon, Angie, Kirsten

19. Next movie you will see in theaters?
Not sure.  I’d like to see Juno.

20. What is your favorite drink?
Orange, Passionfruit and Jasmine Iced Green Tea

21. What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans

25. Where are most of your clothes from?
Everywhere . . .

28. Is anyone jealous of you?
I doubt it.

30. Have any regrets?
No. Some D’oh! moments, though.

31. Who would you go to for sports trivia answers?
My brother or John L.

32. Where were you 8 hours ago?
The mall.

35. Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Yes

37. What did you do last weekend?
Had my son’s birthday party and went to brunch and a movie with my family.

38.What Football team do you favor?
None of ‘em.

47. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Sleeping.

48. What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
Snuggled up to Brad.

49. Who will you be with this Sunday night?
Brad.

50. Who was the last person you hugged?
Brad.

51. If you took a drug test would you pass it?
Yes

52. Is tomorrow going to be good?
I think so.

53. Do you know anyone named Dan?
Yes.  One of the funniest things I have ever seen was when he fell out of a chair.

54. How many myspace friends do you have?
56

55. Do or did you like school?
I liked high school but only tolerated college.

56. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
A select few.

57. Where would you like to live?
Almost anywhere would be an adventure.  I like the Texas Hill Country a lot.

58. Are you a good gf/bf?
Probably not.

60. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
With Brad, parenting a 17 year old *gasp!* and a 13 year old and being happy–like we’ve always been.

want and need

I wore a little silver (fake) crystal bracelet today.  It isn’t an expensive piece of jewelry.  I bought it because I like clear stones and I love bracelets — they look so delicate and feminine as they hang just so on the wrist.

I was driving to lunch when the cuff of my jacket fell away from my wrist and my car was dappled by colorful, dancing light.  The crystal acted as a prism and bent the sunlight into the myriad colors of the spectrum.  The swinging of the beads about my wrist strobed the light across the dash, the ceiling, my shirt, my face.

No matter how many times I read about refraction and reflection and dispersion and the speed of light, it still seems magical and mystical to me.  Someday I shall have a bedroom with a picture window and I will wake to dancing light every morning.

************************

A “real-life” friend and I recently had a conversation — really more of a heated, emotional discussion — regarding want vs. need.  She told me she doesn’t need me.  She doesn’t really need anyone.  Not her husband or children.  Not her friends.  “Oh, sure,” she said.  “I want my husband and children and friends and family.  I’d be devastated and hollowed out and there would always be a sadness in me without them.   But I don’t need them to go on living.”

I had a very emotional reaction.  Who wants to believe they aren’t needed?  Especially by someone that they need, themselves?  If I am not needed by the people I love the most, what’s to stop them from walking away and never looking back?  And leaving me wounded and alone.

“I need my friends and family.  I need you,” I insisted.

We agreed to talk about it further when we were both feeling a little less emotional, a little less misunderstood.  She talked to her husband, I talked to mine.  We both talked to the friends through whom we filter our ideas during their early evolution.   I sent her a video of Barbra Streisand’s People.  Clever, no?

Twenty four hours later and she conceded that maybe she just tries very hard not to need anyone and is loathe to admit she’s not fully self-sufficient, independent, and bullet-proof.  I admitted that I’d understood, to an extent, what she meant but had made the discussion especially difficult for her because I was hurt.

What we haggled over, at the core, was the meaning of the word need.  She believes need implies physical survival.  She won’t die if she doesn’t have us.  She will wake up every morning and keep walking and working and surviving.

***************************************

I consider myself to be like a ray of light.  I’m not worthless or without beauty, all on my own.  But I’m pretty normal.  Pretty invisible, most of the time.  The people I need, they’re prisms.  Just by sheer virtue of knowing them and loving and being loved by them, I am bent, manipulated, and transformed into something more beautiful, more colorful, more lovely.

Because of them, the ordinary, least developed parts of my character and personality are developed from an entirely different angle.  My tendency toward sensitivity and sadness is refracted into compassion and empathy.  My rather infuriating sarcastic tendencies are diffused into a gentler observational humor.  My clinginess transforms into a steadfast loyalty.  My leanings toward reclusivity are thwarted when friendship and light, goodness and love are strobed across the canvas of my life.

No, I won’t die without the people I love –even if I want to.  That’s not why I need them.  I need them because of who I am because they are in my life.  I need them to help polish my character and transform the parts of me that could be harsh and less than desirable into something soft and pleasant.

I need them to bring me outside of myself, to make the light I shine onto the world softer and gentler.   I need them to help me dapple the world with dancing light.

I need them.

Ha!

You Are a Total Brainiac

You’re amazingly brilliant. Some would even say genius. You’re curious, thoughtful, analytical, and confident.You take on difficult subjects because you want to… not because you have to. No field of knowledge is too complicated or intimidating for you. You’ve got the brains to do anything you want. It’s possible you end up doing everything you want.

Are You a Brainiac?

throwing a bone . . .

1. Song that always makes you sad? Places That Belong to You by Barbra Streisand

2. Last thing you bought? spiral hot rollers for my hair

3. Last person you argued with? A dear friend

4. Do you put butter before putting the jelly on? No.

5. One of your stuffed animals: I have the giant heart shaped pillow that Brad gave me for Valentine’s and the stuffed puppy my dad gave me while I was in the hospital on my bed with me right now.

6. Did you ever own at one time a Nsync Cd? I don’t think so.

7. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

8. Favorite Sundae topping? It’s a tie between hot fudge and strawberries and whipped cream.

9. Did you take Piano lessons? Briefly. But my teacher got frustrated with me and slammed her fist on the piano and I got scared and quit.

10. Most frequent song played? Right now, it’s The Majesty and Glory of Your Name which is a choral song that is beautiful and I will be singing it with a choir next month.

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy? Flash Gordon (If you tell my husband you will invoke my ire)

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? Neither. I’m a swimmer.

13. Date someone older or younger? Brad is younger than me. Before him, I dated people who were older — just a little bit, though.

14. One place you could travel right now? Australia.

15. Do you use umbrellas? No, we almost never need them here in the desert thus I can never find one when I do need it.

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? None of them.

17. Favorite Cheese? Pepper Jack

18. Disturbed or My Chemical Romance? I must be missing something . . . . I don’t understand the question. (Can someone explain it to me?)

19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes? Neither.

20. Best job you ever had? Lifeguard. SO many cute boys.

21. did you go to your high school prom? All three years.

22. perfect time to wake up? 10 AM

23. perfect time to go to bed? After midnight

24. do you use your queen right away in chess? I’ve never played Chess.

25. Ever been in a car accident? yes

26. closer to mom or dad…or neither? Probably my mom.

27. what age is this exciting life over for you? What kind of question is that? I ask you.

28. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager? 80’s so I could have hung out with Sharon.

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned? a pair of clunky leather boots.

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school? No.

31. Were you in track and field? I couldn’t breathe well enough to walk fast, much less run.

32. Were you ever in a school talent show? Oh, yes. Many a time.

33. Have you ever written in a library book? No.

34. Allergic to? Erythromycin, bananas, pineapple, canaloupe, latex

35. Favorite fruit? Blackberries.

36. Have you watched sex and the city? Almost every episode.

37. Baseball hat or toque? I rarely wear hats.

38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap? shampoo

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste? Wet the toothbrush.

40. Pen or pencil? pen

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino? Yes. Vegas is one of my favorite places.

42. Have you thrown up on a plane? no.

43. Have you thrown up in a car? Once . . .

44. Have you thrown up at work? No. Wait. Yes.

45. Do you scream on roller coasters?.YES! I love rollercoasters and they are more fun if you scream.

46. Who was your first prom date? A boy named Mike Hammer.

47. Who was your first roommate? Marcey

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? Strawberry Hill. Ech.

49. What was your first job? Shop girl in my mom’s store.

50. What was your first car? Pink and gold Volkswagen bug!

51. When did you go to your first funeral?I think it was my great-grandmother’s when I was in sixth or seventh grade.

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 18

53. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Parker. I didn’t like her.

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? Egypt.

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? Jake Grant. But we only went as far as where his car was parked in the driveway. *snicker*

56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? Natalie Evans. I don’t know where she is now.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent’s? An apartment.

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Brad or Sharon.

59. ???

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Kick Brad so he will turn off the alarm clock. If it’s the weekend, the first thing I do is either answer the phone or roll over and curl up to Brad.

61. What was the first concert you attended? George Strait.

62. First tattoo or piercing? I pierced my belly button four years ago. I had to take it out though because it was making a big scar. I’d like for Sharon to design a small tattoo and I would put it where none of you would ever see it.

63. First celebrity crush? Barbra Streisand!