I have just noticed that my blog template looks like hammered ear wax in Internet Explorer. I have no explanation except that I hate Internet Explorer. I might try to fix it but, then again, I might not. I strongly urge the world to use Firefox to view my blog.
That is all. Please go on reading the other posts now.
Sleeping is one of my favorite past times. It is my favorite hobby. And the past two nights, I haven’t got enough of it.
The night before last, I read Sharon’s blog before I went to bed. A commenter said that she had found Adventures of a Domestic Engineer by typing “kissing zombies” into google’s search engine. I thought it was so funny that I e-mailed Sharon and then I went to bed. Next thing I knew, I was dreaming of being chased by zombies (except I was a bear who could talk in the dream). The zombies were perky blondes and beefy bo-hunk college boys. Except they were understandably not very attractive considering they were DEAD and all. I woke up from that nightmare at 3:30 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. Sharon said it was obvious that I had wandered into the midst of a zombie frat party in my dreams.
Last night, I went to bed without taking my trusty cold medicine. I figured it was responsible (mostly) for the zombie dream. Only problem was, I woke up several times feeling choked or strangled by the misery that is a cold. At one point, I woke up and thought: Damn nasal mucilage. Damn viral decoupage. Then, irritated with myself, I thought:Damn haiku. Why am I quoting Sharon’s haiku at 4:00 am?
Needless to say, I finally took my lovely Nyquil and slept all morning when I should have been up and at ‘em and taking on the world.
It’s obvious to me that blogging has taken over my subconscious. Although I hope it is only a temporary thing while I am battling this hideous cold.
That is all. You may go about your lives.
I am ashamed to admit that Chris tagged me with this meme a looooong time ago. I promised her I would do it and I am just now getting around to it. Better late than never I always say.
This meme requests that I reveal five things about myself that people aren’t likely to know, list them, and tag five people to do the same. So here you have it.
1. I used to be so shy that I couldn’t sing a solo or deliver a speech without breaking down in tears in the middle of it. Seriously. In junior high and high school, my teachers always had Kleenex ready for me when I had to sing a solo. However, in my Speech class in college, I earned the highest grade because I learned to bluff my audience into believing I was confident. My professor told me I should consider public speaking as a profession. He didn’t know that I threw up after two of my speeches that semester from sheer terror. I have to do some public speaking for the job I have now. I still have stage fright. I can control my fear but I still break out in red splotches all over my neck and chest before and during my presentations.
2. I can’t accomplish anything without a deadline. I procrastinate horribly. Some of my best work on papers and presentations has been done just hours before they were due. I seem to thrive on adrenaline. The rest of the time, I just can’t motivate myself to do what needs to be done. I married a man who doesn’t procrastinate, though. God knew what He was doing when he chose my spouse. For example, if I hadn’t gotten married and pregnant, I probably never would have been motivated enough to finish nursing school. Knowing that my husband and baby needed me to get my license so I could support us while Brad finished his degree was the only thing that kept me going.
3. I have had almost all of my friends for a very long time. My best friend and I have been friends since junior high. I am still in touch with most of my junior high and high school friends. The only close friends I have who have not known me for years are the ones I have made through this blog. I think it is because I have no idea how to have a casual acquaintance or friendship. I have a knack for forming close, personal friendships. And I don’t have a lot of friends. I choose my friends carefully. I have close friends ranging in age from their 30s to their 70s.
4. I don’t handle change well. I have always wanted to be the type of person who relished change and looked at it as an opportunity to throw more paint on the canvas of my life (I am paraphrasing FTS with that one). And I am getting better. I no longer fight change. But it still sends me into an emotional tailspin. I never regret the changes, I just seem to have the hardest time preparing for them.
5. I can say most (if not all) of the dialogue from the movies Funny Girl, The Way We Were, Steel Magnolias, Young Frankenstein, and Ever After. I used to know all of the dialogue for Top Gun and The Princess Bride, but it has now been many years since I watched either of those movies. I also know all of the words to the songs for the soundtracks to The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, The Sound of Music, Les Miserables, The Phantom of the Opera, and CATS. I’ve sang Mozart’s Requiem in concert choirs twice and still remember the alto part and the words*. I know, I know. A dorkier person never walked the Earth. It has proved useful though. I once sang “On My Own” from Les Miserables for an audition to a local Symphony and Chorale and made it. However, I moved before I was able to sing with them.
*ironically, I can remember all of these things yet I can’t remember my children’s names most of the time. I usually call them the wrong name twice before I get it right. My mother used to do this when I was a kid. I think it is a sign that I am getting old or losing my mind or both.
I hope that wasn’t too painful. I have seen it on a few other blogs and always enjoy it because I learn so much about other bloggers. I don’t tag for memes so feel free to use it if you like or ignore it if you choose.
If you hang around me and my children long enough, these are some examples of what you might hear.
Crash: Mom! Bump is chasing me with dog poop!
Mom: *SIGH*
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Bump: Mom, tell him to stop breathing on me! See? Look, he’s doing it again. He keeps breathing!
Mom: *curls into fetal position and whimpers*
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Mom: Who made this mess?
Crash: I don’t think it was me. But I can’t be sure. It may have been me. Or it might have been my brother. I just don’t know.
Mom: *Makes both children clean up mess until someone is sure who made it.*
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Bump: Hey, Aunt Joy! A stepstool fell over and made a loud sound and scared my mom and she said a baaaaad word!
Mom: *shoots laser vision at seemingly-innocent-yet-clearly-evil spawn*
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Crash: (in car) C’mon ya stinkin’ car! Move outta the way!
Mom: *bangs head against steering wheel *
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Bump: (upon walking through the family room while his father is stealing a kiss from his mother) C’mon people! Get a room!
Mom: *blushes* *SIGH*
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Bump: Mom, how are babies really made?
Mom: Well, I think you are old enough for an honest answer . . .
Bump: *holds up hand* Wait! I know it’s something gross. I changed my mind. I don’t wanna know!
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Crash: Can I have another sofa-pilla? (sopapilla)
Mom: *grins and smacks a kiss on his cheek*
No post here tonight because I was asked to guest post at Moogie’s World. Go on over and check out her blog. It’s great! She’s in California right now. That right there should be grounds for ignoring her all week. I mean, I would love to be in California. Geez! The nerve of some people!
I have a reputation to uphold. Moogie thinks having me guest post would generate good traffic for her blog. Don’t make me look bad.
Go now, please. 
I had a nightmare the other night that Brad had an affair with another woman. When I found out and confronted him and the hussy with whom he was sleeping, the hussy stuck her finger in my face and started mouthing off. In my dream, I called her a sow and beat the tarnation out of her. Then, Brad tried to put his arm around me and apologize and I told him that, if he touched me, he would draw back a bloody stump. The dream was SO REAL. I felt a definite sense of satisfaction from beating up the hussy and I woke up feeling like I wanted to kill my husband. As soon as I opened my eyes, Brad rolled over and cuddled up to me. I growled, “Get away from me right now!” The poor guy didn’t have a clue. He was trying to be sweet and I had to squelch the desire to rip his head off.
There’s a point to me telling this story. I have told a few people about my dream. I have yet to tell my story without someone else telling me that they had a similar dream. One friend’s husband had a dream that she cheated on him and, when he asked why she would do such a thing, she replied that it was because her lover had a bigger penis than him. Another person had a dream that his wife became rich and famous and no longer would have anything to do with him. He walked around feeling sad for a while over that dream. I just found it interesting that infidelity is such a common theme in our dreams. It’s not like I ever really fear that Brad would have an affair. I am so high maintenance that I honestly don’t know when he would find the time to entertain a lover.
It’s not outside the realm of possibility that I would beat the tar out of any hussy who went after my husband either. When I was 7 months pregnant, I came home from working a 12 hour shift to find a strange woman in my garage with Bump and my husband. Brad politely introduced me to Denise and I quickly showed Denise the door. It turns out that most of the Computer Science students had been at our house earlier in the evening working on a project for their booth at the Halloween carnival. Denise just so happened to be the last person left at the end of the night. Yeah, and if you buy that I’ll throw the Golden Gate in free. Denise knew exactly what she was doing. I think she didn’t factor in the general pissed-offedness of a tired and severely hormonal pregnant woman. Brad seemed surprised that I would be suspicious. I have just one thing to say. The day I stop being suspicious of him being alone with another woman will be the day I stop caring about my marriage. These are just the facts, folks. Trust is one thing but blind trust and stupidity are something else entirely. I remember looking at little Denise (who looked really little compared to my very round belly) and remembering the scene from “Coal Miner’s Daughter”" when Sissy Spacek picks up a tree branch and calls her husband’s girlfriend a sow and chases her off.
Why am I writing all of this? I don’t know. Maybe because the dream felt so real. Maybe because my cough medicine has made be more disclosing than usual. Maybe I’d rather write than clean house right now.
I am just wondering how many of you have had dreams that your spouse or significant other has cheated on you?
Today, a meme for you. I am still recovering from my cold and have not the strength for anything better. I am pretty sure I got this from Monty. It doesn’t really work right in my case because, although I’ve been blogging since Jume 2004, there was a six month hiatus there at the very beginning. So, I only have entries for April-December in 2005.
Oh, and I am not tagging anyone but play along if that’s what floats your boat.
My Year In Review:
A meme.
Sorry.
Go into your archives, and post the FIRST sentence from the FIRST post you made each month.
April: Well, I actually e-mailed a blog post in yesterday and then e-mailed all of my friends to let them know and, as it turns out, the post I e-mailed never did make it here.
May: My in-laws came over this weekend and Jane went to our National Scrapbooking Day crop from 6-12 Fri. night and 9-5 Saturday.
June: So, on Sunday morning, my husband and I were still in bed and I heard both of my boys get up and walk in the bathroom.
July: Brad and I had margaritas and cheeseburgers in paradise at Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville Restaurant.
August: My husband and I met on a church mission trip the summer before I was a junior in high school and the summer before he was in the ninth grade.
September: Bump was pretending to campaign for president yesterday.
October: Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
November: Update: If you want to see the news story on my cousin’s son, Dillon, click here and it will play in RealPlayer.
December: This post is for my friend Marcey from whom I have been estranged for many years but recently reacquainted.
There ya go. That meme made me keenly aware of how boring some of my posts are. Oh well, that’s why it’s my blog, right? I can be boring if I feel like it.
Hello again. My but I have missed my little blog.
We survived Christmas.
In reality, Christmas was great. It was the preparations that threatened to stress me to the point that I had a strong desire to run face first into a brick wall. I kept thinking that a minor head injury would provide exactly what I need: a long nap in a soft bed with loved ones attending to my every want and need. I settled instead for cranberry margaritas with friends and family on two separate occassions. Those did the trick nicely.
Brad and I spent a few days in our hometown in New Mexico. We spent Christmas Eve at my parent’s and Christmas Day at his parent’s house. We enjoyed the time with family immensely and our children never lacked for a cousin or two to play with during the entire visit. The older I get, the more I appreciate the value of these rare times when we come together with family. It is priceless and don’t let anyone tell you differently. Similarly, I have learned to appreciate my friendships. I have several close friends who count as family in my heart and I cherished every Christmas card, e-mail and phone call from them during this season of love.
My favorite gift this year was from my brother. It’s name gave me pause when I first laid eyes on it. It is “The Tingler”. It came in a velvet bag with it’s handle sticking out of one end. It had a label which announced that it had been purchased at EveryThingForLove.com. I thought to myself: Alas, another family member has gone round the bend. Laugh if you will, but more than one of my family members has gone round the bend. Upon closer inspection, The Tingler turned out to be a copper massage-y thingy that you place on your head and swirl it left, right, up, down and sideways—any which way you choose. The feet of the Tingler gently massage and trigger accupressure points as you move it. It is quite simply the most lovely gift I’ve ever received. I have taken to begging Brad to use the Tingler on me and yes I know how that sounds. Take a gander at the Tingler. I know it looks like a medieval torture device but it is oh, so lovely.
Now Christmas is over and we are back home. By the way, Brad built me a new computer for Christmas. The better for blogging with, dearies. Reality has set in. Brad and I are both down with a cold. I got it a day ahead of him so I am one day more miserable than he is. That’s okay though because I will be one day healthier than him at the end of this process. My head is congested, my throat hurts so bad that I nearly choked when my orange juice slid past the rawness that is my pharynx this morning. Really, I wrote that last sentence just so I could say pharynx. Pharynx, pharynx, pharynx. My chest has also decided to join the party and I feel like someone has applied a vice to my lungs. Naturally, all of this vileness has aggravated my asthma so I am also taking inhalers quite frequently. I just took a Tylenol Cold and plan on retiring to my bed immediately upon publishing this post and slipping into a blissful, chemically-induced sleep until Brad and the children come bursting back into the house after their shopping spree. I figure I have a good two hours to snooze.
In looking back over this post, it occurs to me that it might not be well-advised to type a post after taking Tylenol Cold. Though I will admit that it was much more fun to type a post while high on cold medicine.
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!
I will be out of touch for a few days. However, I wanted to thank all of you for your friendship this year. This blog has brought me so much laughter, tears, and friendship. What better gift could a girl ask for?
